Not Good Enough
by xcountrygurlx
Summary: Zoe's heart is broken but she has no one left to pick up the pieces, seeing as Lavon, Wade, George, Annabeth, Lemon, and even Brick are all in relationships. How will she cope with her new pain?


Not Good Enough

Wade's P.O.V.

My mind was hazy at best this morning in particular. Vivian and I had a big fight last night and so I stormed out and went to the Rammer Jammer and got drunk. I was making my way to Lavon's for a cup of coffee to hopefully cure this hangover, even though I knew it wouldn't. I felt bad for fighting with Vivian last night, but I just could not stand that kid. He was making death threats every time him and I were alone together! I've made multiple efforts to get him to like me and he doesn't even try. I was just frustrated with Vivian because she kept telling me to try to get to know him but it's like talking to a brick wall who wants you out of his mother's life. My mind flashed back to last night.

"_Wade, he is my son. I am a mother before everything else and you knew that when we got together!" She whispered to me, but it was more like she was screaming. Harley was up stairs asleep and she didn't want him to hear our conversation, which was turning into an argument._

"_You keep telling me to make an effort, but you don't see that I am! All I've been doing is trying to get the kid to like me. He's the one that isn't making the effort!"_

"_He is nine years old! You are an adult who is supposed to be more mature. The key word is supposed to."_

"_What are you saying? Over the past few months, being with you, I haven't done anything that would qualify as immature!" I spat back; she didn't even notice that I was changing for her._

"_Hmm, what about right now?" Her eyes narrowed and she glared at me. _

"_Viv, you don't understand how hard it is to come over here every night and hear the kid say that his lizard is going to kill me! The kid's a brat!" I knew I made a mistake as soon as I said it and she looked away and shook her head._

"_You can go now." She dismissed me with the wave of her arm and she turned the lights off in the living room and went upstairs. I huffed once before getting up from the couch. I found my way to the door and left. The familiar route to the Rammer Jammer was filled with my distaste for Harley._

"_Stupid kid. Everything would be fine if not for him. I don't even know why he hates me so much. I didn't do anything to him." I said to myself as I kicked a rock. I felt bad saying it because Vivian was right; I knew what I was getting myself into. I was new to dating a woman with a kid and I didn't know how it worked, but I knew this the way to make it work. I decided to hold off on calling Vivian to apologize until tomorrow, knowing she was either asleep already or didn't want to talk to me. I entered the Rammer Jammer and noticed Shelley behind the bar while Wanda and Rose were waitressing. I took a seat on a barstool._

"_What's gotcha down?" Shelley asked as she leaned across the bar._

"_Doesn't matter, but I'll take anything with a high alcohol content to forget that this night ever happened." I announced before I commenced drowning my sorrows over my failing relationship. _

I was brought back to the present when I reached Lavon's door. I quietly opened it, not wanting to wake him if he wasn't up yet. I was surprised with the scene that was unfolding in front of me.

Zoe was crying hysterically, trying to catch her breath while Lavon held her. She was a mess of tears, but was so caught up in her emotions that she didn't hear or see me come in. Lavon looked at me and mouthed 'not now.' He looked serious and for a second I was worried, I had never seen her this upset before. Sure, people had told me that she was real upset when her and I broke up, but I had never seen her cry after that night. She would have considered that defeat and if I knew one thing, it was that Zoe Hart did not lose.

"Why am I never good enough Lavon? What am I doing wrong?" She cried, her voice wavering.

I nodded to Lavon and quietly shut the door behind me, not wanting to cause any more of an upset. My mind was racing while I walked back to the gatehouse.

Why was she so upset? Where was Joel? What was she not good enough for? Maybe that fellowship turned her down or something. Whatever it was, I hoped it wasn't serious. Even though Zoe and I weren't as close anymore, I still had deep feelings for her. Not that I was in love with her anymore, but you can't just stop carrying about someone who you spent almost a year with.

Before reentering my house, I glanced over at the carriage house. It seemed normal; there wasn't a catastrophe happening outside or anything. I rid myself of my worries for her because I had my own to worry about. I dialed Vivian, knowing she would be at work.

"Hey Viv, it's me. Listen, I'm really sorry about last night. I shouldn't have said what I did, I just got caught up in the heat of the moment because I'm scared that I'm going to lose you. Just call me back when you get a chance. I love you." I pressed 'end' and put my phone back in my pocket. Zoe's words were echoing in my head.

"Why am I never good enough?" That was pretty much how I felt these days. No matter how much I change or how much I try, I'm never good enough. I'm always letting people down it seems. I showered and dressed, and resorted to watching some television before deciding to venture to Lavon's again because I knew Zoe would have left for work and I was curious as to what her latest drama was.

I looked around the kitchen, making sure Lavon was alone before entering.

"Sup buddy?" I asked as I got myself a bowl from the cabinet and chose a cereal.

"Hey Wade, sorry about earlier. She was just a mess and seeing you would have only made it a hundred times worse." Lavon said looking up from his laptop.

"Yeah, what was that about anyway?" I asked casually, not trying to sound eager.

"Joel up and left for New York this morning. He told her that things weren't the way they were supposed to be with them anymore. Packed his bags last night and was gone when I woke up this morning."

"He just left?" I asked in disbelief. I was a bit offended because I had grown to consider Joel one of my buddies.

"Yepp, took everything with him. Including her heart. She is the definition of shattered at the moment. She was shocked, she wasn't expecting this at all."

"I don't think anyone was. Is she alright?"

"She'll make it. Just needs time right now." He shut the lid of his laptop before continuing, "And I suggest that you avoid her for the time being. She's fragile and seeing you will just bring up old memories of other failed relationships."

"We're friends Lavon, I'm not going to like rub it in her face or anything. I'm just worried about her."

"Well that's not really your place anymore, is it?" He questioned me. He had a point, but Zoe and I were okay now, and friends helped each other out when they were hurting.

"I'm with Vivian, remember? And I'm finally happy again. I wouldn't jeopardize that. I learned my lesson the first time." I sank into a barstool with my cereal.

"I can't believe he would just leave without saying goodbye to anyone."

"I think he thought we would all try and stop him from leaving. Which we would have, and he would have felt guilty for needing to pursue his writing dream. He couldn't be a writer when he was with Zoe, it just didn't work. She told me that he told her that it felt like he was the footnote in someone else's love story."

"That makes zero sense." I stated before shoving the spoon in my mouth.

"I know. I haven't seen her love someone that much besides you. So we're in for weeks of emotional eating, which Lavon Hayes is a fan of because I love to eat, and heart to heart talks, which are significantly less appealing, but she's my best friend, so I can't opt out, right?"

"I'd say no. She needs someone in her life to lean on."

"That used to be you, ya know?" He reminded me. Of course I knew, I never forgot.

"Oh my god."

"What?" He asked me.

"I'm Joel. I was sitting here thinking of how big of a dick Joel is, but I am Joel, or Joel is me, whatever. I did the exact same thing to her."

"She forgave you though."

"Think she could forgive Joel?" I asked him.

He shook his head no, "She doesn't need him as much as she needs you in her life." He told me before standing up.

"I've got to go. Mayoral duty calls. Remember what I said, stay away from Zoe Hart!" He yelled to me after he had left the kitchen. I rolled my eyes at his suggestion. It wasn't like Zoe and I had anything between us anymore.

Zoe's P.O.V.

I lie on my bed, counting the times the ceiling fan rotated in a minute. I didn't find it interesting or anything, but if I wasn't counting then all I would think about was Joel. My heart was in a million pieces it felt like. It felt like my stomach was in my throat and I knew I could croak at any minute and turn back into the disaster that I was this morning.

As much as I hated to admit it, Joel leaving was only a matter of time. It was just so out of the blue that I was surprised. It was like one minute he was here, with me pleading for him to stay and work things out, and the next moment he was gone. I was officially undateable. I concluded that after my mind wandered to my previous failed relationships. Michael, Wade, and now Joel. Why wasn't I good enough for any of them? Why couldn't any of them just love me back and be happy with me.

I had called off sick today, knowing I wouldn't be able to get any work done, especially once Bluebell got wind of Joel's departure. They wouldn't intentionally be mean about it, but they would all be curious as to why he left and ask me questions and I couldn't handle that right now. As hard as I tried to not think about this morning, I couldn't keep me brain off of the subject.

"_I swear to God I am not agreeing to cover any more of Brick's nights on call. I just had to stitch up the Davis twins because they were having a middle of the night pillow fight and somehow both ended up wounded." I recited when I walked through the door at 5am. My eyes were first drawn to the bed because that's where I wanted to be, but they quickly flickered to Joel, who was standing in the bedroom with his suitcases._

"_What's going on?"_

"_I'm going back to New York Zoe." He simply stated as he shoved his hands in his pockets._

"_What do you mean, like to meet with your editor?" I questioned, putting my purse on the floor. _

"_No, I'm going back for good. I can't do this anymore, and I know that your heart really isn't in it either anymore."_

"_Joel, it's five in the morning. What are you talking about?" I was hoping that my sleep-deprived state was making me hallucinate. _

"_Zoe, this isn't working out anymore, you and me. I'm not happy, and neither are you. I haven't been able to write for two months now. We were just grasping at straws and trying to ignore what was happening with us. We just grew apart, and that happens sometimes."_

"_Are you being serious right now? Where is this coming from?" I felt the tears start to pool around my tired eyes._

"_Don't act like you didn't feel it too. I hate to do this, I really do because you're a great girl, but we were just together for convenience lately. Neither one of us wanted to uproot our lives, but I'm doing this for both of us. We aren't soul mates and we both deserve to find that. But I am so sorry that I let it go on this long Zoe. I never wanted to hurt you."_

"_Then why are you doing this?"_

"_Because I feel like I'm just a footnote in your love story with someone else. I'm just a chapter in the book of your life." He picked up his suitcases and turned to the door._

"_Joel, wait, can we at least talk about this?" _

"_Don't make this any harder than it already is." He begged me when he turned around with tears in his eyes. They were streaming down my face now. _

"_I'm so sorry." He whispered and kissed me on the cheek. I watched him get in his car and leave, but I couldn't move. I was paralyzed with shock, sadness, and fear. Fear that I would be alone forever. Sadness because now I was officially alone again. And shock because I had been blind-sided. I definitely didn't see this coming._

Thinking about last night caused my sadness to turn into anger. I hated Joel. He was selfish to leave like that, practically in the middle of the night. Why hadn't he talked to me about this so we could at least try to talk about it? I knew now that Joel definitely wasn't the guy for me. But maybe he could have been.

I stormed out of the house and stomped into town, not caring who saw me anymore. I needed to do something. I sat at the bar and was thankful that Shelley was there.

"Shelley I need a round of shots. And keep them coming."

"You do know it's eleven in the morning right?" Six hours since he's been gone.

"I know." I deadpanned and she pulled the tequila out from behind the bar. She put a shot glass in front of me and poured.

"What happened?" She asked timidly.

"I don't want to talk about it." I said as I tipped the shot back.

"You and Wade must have that in common. He was in here last night saying and doing the same thing." She gave me a sad smile.

"I hate Wade." Was my only response while waiting for her to fill up the miniature glass.


End file.
